Today, my husband and I have been married 10 years!

It is a remarriage for both of us. Despite both of us having been burned by unfaithful spouses, we trusted again, and took the plunge.

There is a 67% divorce rate in second marriages. A staggering 74% divorce rate in third marriages!

How did we do it?

When we married, our now combined kids were 10, 11, 12, 16, and 22.

It’s hard. Hard. Hard! Being a stepparent is the most thankless job on the planet!

I took some time to put together a list for our blended family Sunday school class.

Today, as we celebrate the milestone of a decade of remarriage, I share the list, in hope that it will help others.

1. God – first, last, always. God first in my life, my husbands life, our married life. It’s absolutely key!

2. Marriage second. Above the kids. Counterintuitive but ESSENTIAL. The kids need to see that God is first and the marriage is the priority.

3. Keep the D word out of your vocabulary. It’s not an option. Do not toy with this. You have to be fully committed – intentionally, in word and deed. Leave the D word in the trash heap.

4. Date. Set aside a date night- ideally go do something together at least once a week. No less than twice a month.

5. When you get home from work, greet your spouse first. Spend a couple of minutes connecting.

6. Your room is your space. The kids knock before entering. They need to understand that this is your area – the rest of the house is family area.

7. The birth parent is the discipliner of their children. Resentment will arise otherwise. Parents can discuss the kids behind closed doors and decide together the discipline, but the bio parent needs to administer discipline.

8. Don’t argue in front of the kids. Keep it out of their view and ears.

9. It takes time to cook a stepfamily. Don’t give up! The fruit may be a long time coming.

10. Be your spouses cheerleader. Don’t take the kids side. Always lift up your spouse.

11. Be a united front!! The kids WILL try and divide you. You must endeavor to lock arms and stand together.

12. Pray together. This is a secret weapon that will knit you together.

13. Keep learning. Read. Go to seminars. Classes. You need as much support as you can get.

14. Hang out with other blended families. Have friends in the same situation. No one can or will understand – so talk to someone who does.

15. It’s okay to say you need help. Counseling is always a great option, either individual or couples.

16. Take a weekend once a year to be alone and reconnect.

17. Someone has to be the adult. The kids need stability. Keep things as stable as possible in your home.

18. Kids need to be kids. Let them be kids at your house.

19. Celebrate the success – anniversaries!

20. See #1.