I’ve been treading water for a while.

Treading water is a survival tactic. It’s not enjoyable.

Prior to that, there were times I was near drowning, between bouts of doggy paddling for my life.

What I haven’t done since I was a child is rest.

Most of this is due to the choices I made. I have lived life with my chin in the air, and a stubborn “I’m gonna do it my way, darn it” attitude.

My strong will did not serve me well as a child, or into me teens. My parents stayed steady, even as I flailed.

I’ve accomplished a lot, and overcame even more. I’m proud of how far I’ve come. My tenacious will is what kept me going, despite adversity.

I am just now learning how to let go – how to quit struggling, and just float.

When I go to the beach, one of my favorite things to do is float in the calm, clear water of the Gulf of Mexico. I lay on my back, completely relax, and let the ocean carry me. I close my eyes and listen to the waves, the wind, the gulls. I always come home refreshed.

I have let go of the striving. I am in the arms of God, awakening each day to see what it holds for me. I’m floating.

I’m sleeping better. I’m calmer. As hard as it was to finally let go, I’ve never felt better.

Let the healing begin, and creativity bubble forth.