I’ve had an interesting life. Of course, I need to write a book to document five decades of living, so I’m just reflecting today. It’s something I find myself doing a lot, now that I’m of “a certain age”.

I had some challenges as a child – but we all have our story. I have ADD, which back then was called daydreaming, if you were a girl.

Due to my strong personality and impatient temperament, I made some poor choices as a teen. I ended up pregnant at 18, and had to drop out of college to support myself and my son.

I worked 2-3 jobs at a time, at all times. I did whatever it took to keep a roof over our heads. There were no trips to the tanning bed, the nail salon, or vacations. I lived on cheap food, and thrift store clothes.

My next bad decision involved my first husband, a serial adulterer (who is heading into marriage #6). Marry in haste, I did – and repent at leisure, I most certainly did. I eloped and spent six years trying to make the impossible work. When he decided he liked the company of a pregnant stripper girlfriend more than his pregnant wife and two children, I kicked him out.

My parents were always there to catch me when I fell on impossibly hard times. A roof over my head, a vehicle when my string of junkers collapsed – they bridged the gap. There were no frills attached – they helped us survive. There were no vacations and expensive toys.

In 1997 I graduated nursing school with a 2 1/2 year old, a 6 year old, and a chronically ill 12 year old. That year my parents paid for my childcare, and I was on food stamps. The church donated food when times were lean. I slept on a mattress on the floor, with no furniture, except the crib my youngest slept in. My kids had thrift store furniture and hand me downs for clothing.

We were happy, though – there was an abundance of love, and security, and belonging to the family of God. We appreciated the beauty in nature, and the simple pleasures of life.

My kids didn’t get to do all that other kids did – I just couldn’t afford it, and they didn’t expect it. When I became a registered nurse, my oldest joined band, and my middle became a swimmer. They were all involved in church and youth group. They didn’t feel like they were lacking, because they were grateful humans. They are now very giving and thrifty as adults, because they knew the value of money.

My first vacation with the kids was to Disney World in 2005 – paid entirely cash, saved for, with all the bills paid. It was less than $1000 for a four day vacation for four. (This could never happen today. WDW prices are out of control).

I remarried in 2008 to a very financially responsible spouse. All our kids had their needs met, and from this house, reasonably limits on gifts and trips were set. On one side we had no financial input from the ex, and the other we had exorbitant lavish birthdays and vacations that were well above the ability to pay for them. It was hard to watch the kids have the world handed to them on a beer budget, as their expectations rose as fast the money spent on them did. We did eliminate the excess on our end, and we pray that their life will reflect this restraint for them, soon.

Financially now we are stable enough to live on one income, and I’m freelance writing. I also plan to get back to painting and art. My main priorities are my kids and my grandkids, and on regaining my strength and improving my health.

Now that the kids are grown, there are pangs when they have struggles financially. We are realistic with they make bad choices, and we let them have consequences. As the Bible says in 2 Thessalonians 3:10, if you don’t work, you don’t eat. Able bodied humans should work to support themselves, and especially so if they have children to support. If they choose to live for themselves, they choose to pay for it.

It was not easy being the breadwinner for most of my life, but it was reality. Regardless of exhaustion, illness, or lack of child support, the bills had to be paid.

I’m grateful that my parents kept my head above water more times than I can count. Their support helped me get to work, and helped me complete my degree. They were never Disney parents, and I’m grateful. My life was hard due to things out of my control as well as my poor choices. Because of this, I learned a lot.

I have a giving heart – but I also have discernment. I don’t give to those who have the capacity to do for themselves but choose not to. I do not believe in supporting irresponsibility. I will give and help a child with what is necessary, but I don’t give my kids or grandkids trips and vacations. Our home is open to visits, but not bounce backs.

There is a difference between wants and needs, and the way you learn this is the hard way sometimes. It is a vital lesson to be learned.

In this day and age of rabid consumerism, it is a lesson more important than ever.

Less is more.

I’m glad my kids know this, and I pray they will live a life of moderation and self control. They are young, but we hope to be an example to them of living within your means.