Nearly twenty years ago, I was sleeping after a night shift. I was having a run of the mill dream – I remember dreaming, but the important thing was happening in the background.

As the dream wandered through my unconscious mind, occasionally I would hear a voice clearly speak the word “misogyny “.

The dream continued, and then again, a clear voice said “misogyny”.

At that time in my life, I had no idea what that word meant. When I awakened, this word was echoing in my head, so I went and looked it up.

Suddenly, everything in my life made sense.

I was in a relationship with a very abusive sociopath. I had gone to our non-denominational church and plead for help…I was rebuffed with the “wives obey your husband” crap.

Now I knew the root. My partner hated women – truly hated them, with a viciousness I had never before seen.

Worse,the “church” we attended promoted misogyny – the “Pastor” belittled his wife and mother in front of the congregation. The men were to be obeyed. The women were to take it.

Shortly after this dream I literally ran for my life, taking my children as far away from this pathology as I could.

Last night, a word interrupted my dream again. Much like that first dream 20 years ago, this word was being spoken clearly in the background. When I woke up, I again looked up the word – I was familiar with it, but was not applying it to my life.

The word was inexorable.

“Impossible to stop or prevent”.

I knew immediately in my soul what this referred to.

At first, I was discouraged. I began to pray for insight into what this meant.

I got it. This particular situation has been the same for over a decade. Despite the best intentions on my part from the beginning, there would be no changing the heart or attitude on the other side.

I know now without a doubt that this is a battle that must totally be fought on the spiritual side. The heart, mind, and will are inexorably set. Nothing will change it.

But God!

I’m a fixer and I’ve tried to be helpful. I’ve read dozens of books. I’ve studied the pathology. I’ve ignored. I’ve tried it all.

It’s out of my hands. It’s inexorable.

This is a part of my life, and although it is a frustrating and toxic situation, literally nothing I can do or say can or will change it.

So I am free at last. Free to turn it over to an all powerful God.

Free to put my energies into relationships that are open, healthy, and growing. Or at least have the potential to be so.

I’ll not fight against the inexorable march toward divisiveness and self destruction. The road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions.

I’ve let it go. At last! God, it’s in Your hands. I release it to You.

Oh, what a relief it is.