I’ve recently joined a private message group dedicated to minimizing clutter.

I started on my minimizing journey last year, after watching Marie Kondo on my cable streaming service. I was amazed. And inspired!

Let’s just say as a very artistic person with ADD, organization and neatness have not been my forte.

Squirrel!

I was raised in a home that was kept clean, and my brothers and I were all given chores.

My bedroom, however, was always more akin to the island of misfit toys. Under my bed were all the things that I needed to shove away out of view. Every surface had papers, and drawings, and books…etc.

It was my rebellion, I reasoned. I was the sole house cleaner among my siblings and I, and I refused to clean my room. It was the one area I didn’t have to.

It turns out it was deeper than that.

When my middle child was diagnosed with ADD in the second grade, I bought a book about it. As I read the diagnostic criteria, I saw that I met all of the criteria.

Well then.

While it explained a lot, for example my tendency to daydream, I also acknowledged that my scattered mind also manifested itself in my outer environment.

Adding to the ability or inability to keep a neat environment was my lifelong struggle with major depression and anxiety. When things were better, I did better. When I was having an exacerbation, it was all I could do to get up and go to work. I can function on a basic level during those times, but as to housework…I just couldn’t.

Now I’m learning new ways to organize. Minimize. Through journaling, goal setting, and scheduling, I am getting it done…bit by bit. During last years Kondo purge, I gave away bags of clothing I never wore.

I have stopped working full time, so now I can dedicate my time to family and writing, and I have household tasks scheduled in my phone calendar. Instead of the overwhelming task of my entire two story house to clean on my days off, I do different areas on different days. I set aside some bigger tasks for bi-weekly or monthly addressing.

Little by little, it is getting done.

The support and accountability I am getting from my online group helps me see I’m not alone on this journey.

I also see that our environment often reflects our inner life.

I have in the past been in close relationship with people on the other end of the spectrum.

Deeply troubled by anxiety and mental illness, they were the “neat freaks”. Every corner of the house was always cleaned obsessively. Laundry was always rolling in the washer and dryer. The vacuuming never stopped.

In the most extreme case, they would scrub the tile floor in the kitchen with a toothbrush, even moving the appliances to do so, whenever they had an anxiety exacerbation.

They also had closets and drawers filled to overflowing with brand new clothes, because they never wore an article of clothing more than once. Or, everything looked great on the surface…but open any drawer and it was stuffed with a variety of random items.

On the surface, one would look at the sparkling clean house and think everything is well.

In reality, it can be just as indicative of mental struggles as the house that is cluttered.

The bottom line for me is I am finding that when the area I am in is neat, I feel less anxious.

I’m never going to be power cleaning constantly, but now I know that I don’t have to.

It’s all about balance.