I’m sitting in my living room, surrounded by my dogs. There is no noise aside from the humming appliances, and the occasional flutter of wind chimes from the porch on this breezy spring night. No TV. No internet.

I’ve lived in this house for almost thirteen years.

Before that, my prior record was three years of consecutive dwelling.

Many, many times, I lived in a place for a year or less.

I’ve been through a lot. Made some poor choices. Did dumb stuff.

I’d like to think we all did.

I know this – I’m not going back to the chaos, havoc, and destruction of abusive relationships.

Been there, done that. Have the restraining orders and PTSD to prove it.

It was a lifetime ago.

I’m older and yes, finally, wiser.

Recently I was hooked into a conversation about those times. My blood sugar went through the roof. I couldn’t sleep. I was pacing.

Now, days and many conversations with my wise eldest son later, I’m sitting calmly in my home, reflecting while my very good husband works.

There is a thing called the sea of forgetfulness that God puts my sins into – I confess and repent, and He forgives and forgets. It’s like it never happened.

Those who know me and love me give me grace, and that keeps me humble.

Those who don’t – well, I’m sorry if you are angry, but I don’t have to dig up the past. I won’t. It was bad enough the first time.

I’ve made my peace with it – and for me, peace is what I need. For my emotional, physical, and spiritual well being.

I’ve had enough strife for a lifetime.

The years God grants me will be spent in pursuing love. Peace. Joy.

I’m moving forward, trying to grow and learn what each day has for me. Trying to be the person God put me on this planet to be – a better disciple, daughter, sister, mother, Nana, and friend.

I’m done with the pain of those decades.

As they say – I don’t live there anymore.

It’s one step in front on the other…

Forward.