My husband and I have both been married before.

We both got divorced due to poor decisions of our ex’s – aka adultery. Yes, we live in a no fault state, but we didn’t marry to get divorced. Our ex’s made that decision for us.

One of the hardest parts of being in a blended family is chopping off branches in the family tree.

My husband went through complete devastation and family implosion, through no fault of his own.

I was cheated on and abandoned, my kids had no dad for most of their lives, through no fault of our own.

My husband and I met 15 years ago, and got married over 13 years ago.

We’ve been together longer than any previous relationship.

And yet… we are cut off from the family tree.

My husband selflessly stayed in one location to provide stability for his kids. If he had chosen to move, he would have climbed quickly up the corporate ladder to great success and income.

He kids came first. He stayed put, but it kept him in one location, which happened to be states away from where his family of origin lives.

God has rewarded him and things have turned for the better – amazing changes after over 20 years of loyal service.

When your child, brother, sister, etc remarries, it seems only natural that you would be happy for them. That you would embrace the wife and kids and happiness that has come into their life.

It’s not what has happened.

I don’t know why – though I have my theory – but my awesome, selfless husband has been cut off from the family tree.

Despite our twice yearly visits, driving a day each way while mom was alive, once she passed, this branch of the family tree fell to the ground with a loud thump. Where we had unconditional love and sweet cards and notes celebrating all the milestones, now we have silence.

My husband has accepted all the kids, and an extra one to boot, as his own. We see the six kids God gave us as one family – warts and all. We love all the kids, and their spouses, and they are all on their journey of acceptance…or not. We love them anyway. It’s part of the blended family journey.

We have a pile of grandkids we adore – Papa and Nana are seen as just that. Family. Period.

It hurts that no one from his family acknowledges our marriage. Our blended family. That biological and original adopted children get presents and attention while the rest of our kids and grandkids are ignored completely. It’s as if we don’t exist.

When I proudly announce new grandkids or celebrate our kids, there is silence. Not even a “like” on the page of their relative’s Facebook.

Blood may be thicker than water, but family is who loves you tangibly – through relationship. Acknowledgement. Acceptance.

We get that through our blended family group at church. Also from our daughter in love’s family, with whom we have formed one big family.

The loss is theirs…but I truly do not understand it.