No one becomes a mother with any experience under their belt.

A lot of people say that they did a lot of babysitting, or were “like a mother” to a sibling.

Keyword “like“.

It is not until you are 100% responsible for another human being that you take your first step toward motherhood.

That is only the beginning.

Every day is a test.

Some days are easy, and the tests are common sense, and you can move forward confidently.

Other days, you face something you have never faced, coming from a family that had never taught you how to face it.

You do the best you can.

For most people, love is the foundation. Love comes easily, is fierce, and endures through it all.

It’s the moment to moment, step by step, that must be navigated without a compass. Without specific instructions.

Months pass.

Years.

Somehow, with age comes wisdom as you see your own life through the prism of your children’s childhood.

Where you were lacking, you try to compensate with your children.

You never know what is missing in your life until you see it missing in your children’s lives.

Now you have a husband. More children. A job. Jobs.

The very thing that is keeping a roof over your childrens head keeps you away from them more than you ever wanted to be.

The drive for stability, belonging, and love drives you into relationships that erode your children…and yourself.

By the time you feel worthy of true love and devotion, the damage is done.

To you all.