I have never been an athlete.

I hated PE when I was a child.

I was a child in the ‘70’s, so I spent a LOT of time riding my bike, playing outside, running around.

I was not by any means sedentary.

Fast WAY forward to my mid forties when I was diagnosed (incorrectly) with type 2 diabetes.

From the age of 45 to 50, I ran 22 half marathons, a couple 15k’s, lots of 10k’s, and even more 5k’s.

I didn’t like it at first.

I always hated the first mile.

Eventually, though, I got a sense of peace during the runs – I never had that “runners high”, but I definitely got in the zone.

It was a great sense of accomplishment to start and finish a race – especially a half marathon. Or that time I ran 2 half’s in one week.

When I got diagnosed (correctly) with type 1 diabetes (LADA), the running stopped, because my labile blood sugars would tank.

I always meant to start up again. I’ve been listening to audio books by my running inspirations. Mentally, I was preparing.

About a month ago, I suffered an injury to my right knee. Like the stubborn nurse I am, I hobbled around, icing and elevating when I could, living off voltaran, which took a slight edge off.

Finally, I took myself to the orthopedic doctor.

My meniscus is toast. Completely ruptured.

I expected something like this.

What I didn’t expect came next.

I have stage 4 arthritis in my right knee. I have no cartilage left. It is bone on bone.

I cried through that appointment, overwhelmed by the big health news I had just received, so soon after the breast cancer diagnosis I had in December. It seemed like a lot.

(Yesterday’s mammogram was clear – hallelujah!! Cancer free 6 months!)

Today was blow two.

I went to “the” leading osteo issues place in the area. I was given several choices on how to deal with this bum knee – and I decided to get a peripheral nerve stimulator to deal with the pain. None of the treatments are cures – they are all temporary band aids on the discomfort.

I asked the doctor what level of activity I can expect to do now.

He said no running. No walking except “for life”.

I’m sitting here with my leg propped, thinking of all the races I’ve planned for, trained for, entered…and now it is over.

It’s a lot.

I CAN use a stationary or recumbent bike.

I’ll be talking to medical friends. Researching. Tweaking my diet. I won’t go down without a fight!

I just didn’t expect this to happen at my age.

Today, I’m in mourning. Mourning the woman that went from couch potato to half marathon runner.

I’m proud of her. Humbled by her strength.

I am going to have to summon that strength again…and redirect it.