I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer in December of 2023 after my annual mammogram. 

I had no family history of breast cancer. 

By the end of February, I had gone through my lumpectomy, had 2 lymph nodes removed, recovered from surgery, and had twenty sessions of radiation. 

End of story, right? 

Wrong. Now comes the aromatase inhibitor, a tiny pill that suppresses my estrogen in my estrogen positive cancer, slamming me right into menopause. 

Hot flashes. Brain fog. Joint pain – intense, life altering joint pain. 

For the next five years. 

Then there are the mammograms. One every three months, then six months. A new term is learned – “Scanxiety”. It is a rager after you had cancer you weren’t supposed to have. 

Monthly shots add to the party – painful but necessary for five years to help suppress the hormones that the cancer cells feed on. 

Don’t forget appointments! Monthly to quarterly.  I love my oncologist, but it brings up the memories that I’d rather pack away. For good. 

I’m blessed it was found early. So grateful that they got it with a lumpectomy. 

It is not over, though.  Not by a long shot. 

I also have type one diabetes – diagnosed at age 50. I have asthma – well controlled, but present. 

To add icing to the cake, I had to have a knee replacement for end stage arthritis and a ruptured meniscus. 

So now I’m hobbling to all these appointments- physical therapy twice a week. Monthly shots. Post op appointments. Quarterly endocrinologist. My own doctor. 

Ad infinitum. 

I know it’s a lot. I feel that it’s a lot.

My word for the year is, interestingly enough, “focus”. 

At first, I didn’t understand why that was the word for me. 

Now I get it. 

I’ve enumerated the vast number of issues in front of me – and these are just the medical ones. 

Every day, I must set my focus. 

I am becoming more of a noticer – and I’m not talking about “of symptoms”. 

I’m noticing the glow coming into the windows at dusk, and I get up and go outside to see the gold and pink sunset painting the sky as darkness waits. 

I stop my walk to the car to focus on the swallowtail butterfly slowly bobbling around me, landing on a nearby bush, wings open in all their exquisite beauty. 

I focus on gratitude – intentionally being grateful everyday for something. Someone. 

This has made all the difference. 

Black Swallowtail