I’m sitting with my husband and son, content.

It’s a good feeling. I am, at this moment, at peace.

My crazy life has been slowing down. Last September, I resigned from my full time job of almost eleven years. I was commuting around 8 hours a week on top of the 12+ hour days.

After that, I downshifted into an office job, four days a week. I worked this job until mid-June.

Then we decided to let me take some time to heal, and to rest.

It’s doing me a world of good, on every level.

I’ve always been an observant person, but now that I am not racing through life, I am enjoying the observations I am making every day.

Take today as an example. I awoke early this morning to a puppy’s insistence to go outside. As I sat on the log bench watching her saunter around the yard, the morning light had me getting up to investigate. I was delighted to find a beautiful sunrise highlighting the undulating clouds. For a few minutes, I just breathed and took in the cool air, the golden sky, the playful puppy.

Tonight, we watched the local farm team play baseball. I spent as much time watching flags snap in the occasional breeze, the light chop in the bay, and the play of the children around me, and the contrast of manicured grass and the red clay field.

Even in the visit to the drive through restaurant tonight to pick up food for our son, I smiled as I saw sherbet colored trumpet flowers draping down the barrier hedgerow just outside my window. I imagined the delight of hummingbirds finding these fluted blooms.

When I was busy, I noticed things occasionally. Now that I have slowed down, I am grateful for all the small, wonderful things that I can appreciate and enjoy.

Tomorrow it will be 30 days since I picked up Molly to begin fostering her.

Molly was part of a litter born with no home, to a feral mom that someone probably dumped on the side of the road one day in a rural area. Many attempts to catch and spay the mama dog have occurred, to no avail. Molly was part of a trio of pups destined for suffering.

The first stop was to her rescuers home. JB bathed and bathed the flea riddled pups, removing nests of fleas from the suffering seven week old babies.

Next the puppy went to respite, into the home of a veteran foster mom. For a week, she received love, deworming, and flea medicine.

The call was put out for foster homes for the pups. As soon as I saw her picture, my heart was broken. So at eight weeks old and just five pounds of fluff, the puppy came to our house so we could foster her.

This rescue is all foster volunteers, and that love and devotion has a great success rate. It is not, however, without work!

I named her Molly, and set about socializing, crate training, and growing this little pup.

My Aussie, Mitzi, is a natural mother, though she has never had a litter of her own. She taught Molly the things puppies need to know from Mama dogs.

Molly loves to wake up around 0500, and that’s been tough – but she is being crate trained, so I arose and ran her out, Mitzi by her side.

30 days tomorrow.

I’d be lying if I said my heart isn’t breaking a little bit to know that tomorrow, she goes to her forever home. She’s so confident and social and SAFE with us. She’s already overcome so much, and now she is starting over.

She’s 12 weeks old now, and has tripled in size since we got her. She’s had great food, exercise, and lots of play. Of course, she’s been very much loved.

Ah, Molly girl, you have touched our hearts. Godspeed as you go to your new home – the application has been vetted, the home study has been done. The contract is signed, and you will be spayed at 4-6 months, microchipped, and given all the necessary vaccinations.

We wish you happiness and much love. Thank you for letting us share your world for 30 days.

“Where is my pancreas!” is something that I say often. Believe me, it is not something I ever expected I would be saying.

Since October of last year, I have been wearing an insulin pump (Omnipod), and a CGM (continuous glucose monitor – Dexcom). If I have to do this diabetes thing, I’m going to try and keep things under the best control possible.

Both devices are blue tooth, and both have PDM’s (personal diabetes managers) that they transmit to. Both PDM’s are housed in a small bag that I call my pancreas. Frankly, that’s how this little bag is functioning.

When I want to know what my current blood sugar is, I glance at the Dexcom PDM, or at my iPhone or Apple Watch, to get the most recent reading. When I eat, I have to put my blood sugar and carbs in the Omnipod PDM so it will figure out how much insulin to give me, and dose accordingly.

You lucky souls who have a pancreas that is inside your body that does this for you – say your thanks.

My pancreas also holds insulin, an extra pod, syringes (lest the pods should fail), alcohol wipes, AAA batteries, test strips, and my lancet, the better to poke my fingers with. It was a lot easier when my pancreas worked.

Around six years ago, my pancreas started to poop out. Mistakenly told by my doctor that it was type 2 diabetes, I lost 30 pounds, and began to EXERCISE. Yes, the former hater of all things active began to run.

My pancreas was grateful, and continued to chug along for five more years.

Alas, last year I had to start insulin. So I started to investigate, and discovered even old gals like me could get type 1 diabetes. So I asked to be referred to an endocrinologist. August 16, 2017, I was told what I already knew – I had type 1 diabetes, not type 2.

MDI (multiple dose injections) of insulin got old quickly, as did the accompanying poking of my fingertips. So I turned to technology. Thus the paisley pancreas was born!! (www.sugarmedical.com)

I LITERALLY do not go anywhere without it. I’m getting better at remembering it – after turning my car around and heading home on more than one occasion. Because it’s Bluetooth, it has to be in the vicinity of my person, and connected devices.

I also carry glucose tabs (yucky!!) and small pouches of candy (yummy!) everywhere. I love going to events and having my bag searched – try to take my candy, lady!! Ah, it’s the little things now.

In closing, I really would love to see a cure for diabetes. I cannot imagine being a child with this mess of a disease, or the parent of a child. It’s a LOT to deal with. I thank God every day for insulin.

It literally keeps me alive.

When I was a little girl, if someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I always had the same answer.

I wanted to be a wife and mother.

I always knew that art and writing would be major parts of my life, but I wanted to be a wife. And a mother.

Life didn’t work out quite like that.

Due to my subterranean low self esteem, I ran through some loser men. I couldn’t wife when I was divorcing an adulterous spouse.

I was a mother, though – to three children who brought me such joy and fulfillment. And challenge. And love! And stress. And fun!

Just over two decades ago, I became a registered nurse – strictly for practical reasons. I was a single mom with a chronically ill child, and I knew I would always have insurance, and I would always have a job.

Of course, it became much more than a job – it was a ministry. My passion! I loved critical care, but I found my niche in women’s health, specifically labor and delivery. Many moments of love, and thousands of precious memories, were made during these years. I was blessed to do what I loved!

Just over a decade ago, God blessed me with a wonderful husband. I could put down my Wonder Woman cape, and learn how to be a wife. That’s when I began to breathe again.

Over the past couple of years, my health has been a challenge. Chronic back pain would flare to debilitating, slowing me down to a stop with increasing frequency.

Then came diabetes – first incorrectly diagnosed as type 2 six years ago, and then full out type 1 last August. It’s been a rollercoaster.

Last month, my husband and I decided I would resign as a nurse, so I could concentrate on getting well. Strengthening my core. Tweaking my diet – eating the best I can.

I’ve begun all of this, but the diabetes is exhausting, and an impressively agile foe. So even without the stress of work, I’ve got my hands full.

But…

I also am – at last – primarily a wife and mother. And grandmother! Our grandkids are arriving now – twins last December to join our 6 year old grandson – and now two more grandkids early next year.

This brings great peace to me. I am content at a level that is so deep – it finally hit me today that it is probably because I have finally attained what I wanted for my life.

I guess I have grown into my childhood goals at last.

I’m so grateful!

Today is the pseudo celebration of National Hot Fudge Sundae Day. I know it’s just a way to sell ice cream, but for me, it brought back memories.

My dad was a career officer in the USAF. We moved every 1-2 years from my birth, all the way up to my sophomore year in high school. I lucked out and got to graduate in a school I spent three years in.

It’s hard to have traditions when you are packing up and leaving town so often.

Daddy and I did have a tradition, though. No matter where we were, we would go to Baskin Robbins and have ice cream.

We always got the same dessert – he would pick, and I as the dutiful daughter would follow.

For several years, our go-to dish was the hot fudge sundae. Or, as Daddy called it, the hot sludge fundae. Being the sarcastic and jovial dad that he is, that’s the way we would order them. I’ve never heard them called that, before or since.

Tonight my hubby, son, and dog went to a local drive through to get a hot fudge sundae. I smiled as I thought of all the ice cream treats my dad and I have shared. I just couldn’t go to Baskin and Robbins without him.

Next time I go see him, we will just have a delayed hot sludge fundae celebration.

(The dog of course had a dish of vanilla)

Oh, Florida, your greed is showing.

The first story that caught my eye is from Walton county, in the panhandle of Florida.

It seems somehow, someway, legislation was passed that muddied the crystal clear waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Since said legislation passed, greedy wealthy property owners, under the delusion that they own the BEACH, have put fences of markers down to just above the water line, and call the police to enforce it. Seriously!? For years they have made it difficult to get to beach accesses – now, this has gone too far.

Up next, vacation destination, Destin, Florida. More overcrowded and overdeveloped by the day, the monstrous Emerald Grande started charging for parking. $10. The hotel that was built on a spit of land that was never to be developed, but was because the right pockets were lined with cash, now is charging for parking. When it shouldn’t even exist. Wall to wall traffic, condos stacked on condos, and now paying to park just to shop. Bravo, greedy tourism barons!

Next up, downtown Pensacola, Florida – also in the panhandle. Some genius decided to make every possible parking lot and street space a pay for park scenario. Every. Single. One. We came downtown to watch a movie at the classic Saengar Theater, and spent a long time circling, looking for a free spot, even as the lots were empty. We noticed dozens of cars doing the same thing. Ironically, they are revitalizing downtown. Too bad no one can come here without shelling out to park. The businesses have to be suffering. Smooth move, brainiacs.

Pensacola Beach is considering charging to park at the one major parking lot – the one with access to both the beach, and the boardwalk. The premise is they will remove the $1 toll plazas to get on the island. Riiiight. Let me look into my crystal ball – I see toll booths, and a pay to park lot.

November is coming – find out who stands for the people. Vote for someone who gives a crap – because obviously they aren’t currently in office.

I don’t know what has happened, or when exactly it began, but for some reason, everyone is screaming.

I expect it to be loud at sports bars. Or kids venues. That makes sense.

Anywhere we go, though, it is loud. Loud. LOUD!!

The last two times we went out to high end restaurants, with nothing but subtle background music, we couldn’t hear each other speak. What was supposed to be a romantic dinner turned into straining to hear each other, while the other tables made our eardrums bleed with their loud chatter.

My nerd husband actually measured how loud it was at a recent venue, and it was over 100 decibels. Legitimately ear damaging loud.

Everyone is screaming to over-talk the nearby tables. Instead of bringing it down, the volume goes up. And up.

I think cell phones are partly to blame – everyone raises their voices and speaks louder when holding a phone. I think people are so used to shouting into a cellular device, they transfer their outside voice to every conversation, everywhere.

We even went to an outdoor concert that was so loud with the cacophony of college age concert goers, we couldn’t hear the artist on stage! We left, lest we spend two hours listening to the banal and oversharing stories of promiscuous and alcohol driven behavior.

This incessant auditory overload is keeping us at home. We go out less. We spend more time in the peace and quiet of our home.

It’s a shame.

I don’t know how to reverse this self centered shouting match communication trend. The loudest one does not win.

Common courtesy would be nice, but I fear it is long gone, along with our inside voices.

I just don’t understand people that don’t want to travel.

I personally know people that have never left their county. Most of the people I know haven’t left their state, or at the most, their region.

I don’t understand! Help me!

This world we live on has so many amazing things to see, so many places to go, so many things to do. Why wouldn’t you want to?

I’ll address the number one reason people say they don’t travel – money. The argument is that it just costs too much.

Travel can be expensive…but it doesn’t have to be.

Every state has multitudes of national parks and campgrounds. If you can’t afford even a tent, take enough food and water for a few hours, and explore the parks nearby where you live.

If you have time and money to go somewhere overnight, explore what is within driving distance – I think you’ll be surprised by what you can find.

I loved being an Air Force Brat. It taught me about the big, wide world out there. Travel is great – moving, not so much. So I take advantage of any opportunity to travel.

If you don’t have a lot of money but have a destination you want to go to, then plan and save for it. Mark it on your calendar, and start putting away what you can toward a trip. It may take you a year or more to get there, but it will be worth it. Use the Internet, talk to friends that travel – definitely do your research, so you have the best trip possible.

One of our favorite modes of traveling is on a cruise ship. Sailing from a port less than 6 hours from where we live, we have explored the Mayan ruins in Tulum, we have swam in The Caribbean, we have wandered in Aruba and Curaçao. We have snorkeled in Roatan, and cruised down a jungle river in Belize. Great, affordable trips can be found on cruise lines – again, do your research!

Last year we went to see my bonus son and daughter in love in Germany, where he was stationed. On the way, it gave us a chance to see Paris. I loved it! While I waited for my husband to join me from London where he was working, I explored the city. Leaving our charming boutique hotel, I walked to the Eiffel Tower. I walked along the Seine, people watching and buying local art. Of course we went to the Louvre, but also other museums, and toured the magnificent Notre Dame, and walked from there down the Champs-Elysees. We packed so much fun into the two days we were in Paris.

Onward to Germany, where we explored the Black Forest, and drove on to Switzerland. Even in winter, the magnitude of the beauty of the Alps cannot be explained. It was a life enriching experience – many new places, foods, and historical sites were enjoyed to the fullest.

It was my second trip to Europe- the first was a few years ago, when my husband was working there. On a whirlwind of planned adventures, we explored London, Bath, Stonehenge, Salisbury, and Cardiff, Wales. It was so exciting, meeting new people, and exploring other cultures.

We have trips planned this year, both near and far. Some are back to favorite places, like New Orleans, and some involve new adventures, like Progresso, Mexico.

I encourage you to step outside of your comfort zone, and broaden your horizons. No matter what your budget is, there is some place you can go that is new to you. Explore it. Seize the day!

*and London, Bath, Salisbury, Cardiff, Triberg, Frankfurt, Interlaken, Grindelwald

**and St Maarten, St Martin, Cozumel, Grand Cayman, Belize, Roatan, Jamaica, St John, Grand Turk, Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, Aruba, Curaçao

***and multitudes of parks, mountains, and seashores in the United States

I found a picture a few years ago, and although this picture brings me pain at first glance, I held on to it. I intend on keeping it.

There are those that say you should leave the past in the past – and to the extent that you should learn the lessons from it, grow, and move on, I totally agree.

However, I also think the past is important to help you remember how far you’ve come. To remind you to count your blessings.

In my case, I know this is especially true.

The picture was taken during one of the lowest moments in my life. Divorced, dealing with three small children on my own with no child support and a deadbeat dad, overweight, flat broke, working full time, and going to nursing school full time – all of this comes rushing back when I look at the picture.

To add to that, I was driving a piece of crap car that was barely held together, I lived in a complete dive, and I had an acutely ill child.

Good times? Not really.

I learned a lot, though.

I learned that while praying for those in need is important and nice, being Jesus with skin on is infinitely better in desperate times. My BFF Cindy, who herself had been a single mom of three and a nurse, was now in a more stable situation, and she blessed my family more times than I can count. She would come over, do my laundry, read to the kids, take us to dinner. She gave me hand me down clothes for the kids. She laughed with me, cried with me, and was my friend. She was love in action, and beyond wonderful.

I learned that using your talents for the kingdom has great long term value. Jim was a Christian counselor who saw me every month for therapy, for free. He knew I was drowning in my circumstances, and he threw me a rope. I’ll never forget him, or what I learned those hard years.

I found that family is where God’s Body is – we went to a great church, and we had friends that were part of our family of believers. They encouraged me, watched my kids, and stepped in with the boys for fatherly mentorship. I had a great pastor, and I learned a lot about faith. I sustained myself on God’s Word, the Bible. Those hard times strengthened my faith, my habits, and my prayers.

I had more lessons to come after we left this terrible dive of a house – but here is where a foundation was built. One that eventually led me to better decisions, and led me to build into a more stable situation.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. People see me and assume I’ve got it all together, and that life is just a walk in the park.

Life is never easy on this side of heaven – but it is a product of our choices, and our responses to what comes our way that isn’t our choice.

So I’ll slide that picture back in the drawer. Some day, I’ll see it again, and say a prayer of thanks for how far God’s grace has carried me.

Amen

As I’m getting older, that remarkable thing is happening where you appreciate your family more each day.

I’ve been off and on the fence at times – usually associated with rebellious phases in earlier decades.

I also am irrationally irritated I live in a state I hate, but so does most of my family now.

I have reached the magical grandparent age, and it changes you. I turn into a pile of goo whenever my kids or grandkids are around. I am astonished how fast my stoicism dissolves when I think about them.

Don’t get me wrong – I have always loved my kids, and have gone out of my way to let them know it, from infancy on. We are a family that hugs and says I love you, and it’s intentional.

Today I spent the day with my bonus son, daughter in love, and grandson. It is all I can do not to weep as I type this.

You see, this bonus son has been a close part of my life since he was six years old – first via his relationship with my parents, his grandparents, and then closer still, as an additional kid hanging out most days at my house. He is my biological nephew, but he was another sibling with my three kids from early on in their lives.

I’ve loved him like a son since he was a small boy. I’m so proud of the man he’s become, and I adore his wife and child. Even more awesome- they are expecting another child early next year! Pass the Kleenex, please.

Spending time with him today as he is on leave to see us here, I see how much he has grown. He is an amazing father and husband. He, too, makes a deliberate effort to let those who love him know that they are loved.

Watching his son, I am reminded of the vastly different life his dad had. But his son knows nothing but love, fun, adventure, and stability.

It’s a wonderful picture of the redemptive power of love.

I look forward to every day I can love on this bonus part of my immediate family.

They enrich my life more than words can express.