WriteRN Ramblings

My husband and I went to the beach today.

We are having a very busy month of work and travel, and looked forward to just relaxing on the white sand, listening to the waves and the sea birds.

We were able to enjoy that for about an hour.

Then phone lady started up.

She was situated between us and a small family of three – new parents of a baby. That family played quietly in the sand under their umbrella.

She pulled out her phone and started a FaceTime convo. Loudly.

We heard every word she and the receiver of the call were saying.

We rolled away from her, hoping she would make it brief.

She did not.

After over thirty minutes of enduring her nonstop, loud, two sided conversation, we gave up and left.

Our patience had turned to frustration.

Should she have known better? Sure. Could we have said something to her? Absolutely.

I have found that people like this that are so openly inconsiderate do not take unsolicited advice well.

So we left.

As we finished brushing the sand off and got in our car to leave, we noticed her leaving, too…phone in hand, talking away.

Thanks for nothing, lady.

Seventeen years ago, I moved into a lovely and distinctly southern home.

My friends mother in law owned the home. At the time, I was dating the nephew of the owner.

She didn’t want a lease from me – she gave me a rental amount due monthly, and I paid it on time every month.

We talked at the beginning about a lease to own, so I could buy the lovely home on the beautiful lot.

Nothing was on paper.

After dating her nephew for several months, we became engaged.

It was the end of April, and my kids had one more month of school.

The owner became enraged that I was getting married to her nephew. She came over one evening and told me to get out. I offered her double rent, just to make it through the school year for the kids. She refused, and essentially put a single mother and three kids on the street, with no time to make arrangements.

The irony was she was once a single mom. She knew the struggle. She had walked in my shoes.

My days as a poor single mom are still fresh in my mind. It’s part of what drives me to help others.

Her memory was short, though. She found another woman’s rich husband, and through her wiles and his lack of loyalty, he divorced his wife and married her.

She didn’t need my money. Despite my pleas on behalf of my kids, despite the fact I was marrying into the family, she threw us out.

Once again my mother found me emergency housing – a 1 bedroom furnished apartment close by.

We moved in, and I haven’t spoken to the homeowner since.

She just came across my Facebook feed, in a Mother’s Day tribute by her child.

I realized I still have bitterness towards her. I don’t understand how someone could do something so horrible.

Today I will pray and I will forgive her.

I know the reaping is going to come for her.

It’s not my place to collect the debt.

I have remarried a wonderful man, and we have 12 years behind us, and forever ahead to go.

I’ll concentrate on counting my blessings…

It was 1990-something.

I was newly separated, heading into divorce, and I had three children under the age of 10.

One of them was a baby.

I lived in the Midwest, in an 800 square foot apartment. The crib was in the living room, because there wasn’t room for my bed and a crib in my tiny bedroom. My two young sons shared the other bedroom.

We didn’t have a washer and dryer in our apartment – or in the apartment complex.

Once a week, when I wasn’t at school or work, I would load up the white plastic laundry basket with our dirty clothes and linen, and we would make our way to the laundromat.

This was no easy feat.

The baby had to be carried – and in winter, add snow, ice, and a below zero wind chill.

The boys were able to help a little bit – the oldest would carry what he could while he held his little brothers hand. We would carefully make our way to the beater car I was driving. Once I secured everyone and everything in the car, I bundled the kids under cheap throw blankets for an extra layer of warmth, and we would head toward the laundromat.

Once there, the kids were glad to have room to run around. It was much bigger than the cave-like “garden” apartment that had windows at chest level – the rest of the apartment was underground.

I pulled out my collection of coins, sliding them one by one into the vertical slots, where they clattered to a stop inside the machines. Once the laundry was spinning, I would read my book, with one eye on the kids.

There were no televisions or vending machines, so I gave the kids their snacks. They would sit at the small plastic tables and eat. The laundromat was warm and smelled of soap and bleach, and the storefront of windows let in the sunlight, bright and unfettered by the cold.

The good about the laundromat was we could get all the laundry done at the same time.

The hard part was keeping the kids entertained while the clothes were washed and dried.

Once the clothes were folded and placed neatly back in the basket, we bundled back up for the return journey home.

A decade later, when we moved south to be closer to family, we lived in a home with a washer and dryer.

Each and every time I went to work, I passed a laundromat. I would stare at it as I waited for the traffic light to turn green.

I remembered the hard times in the garden apartment. I remembered lugging that basket in one arm, my baby daughter in the other, the boys tagging along, the cold biting at any exposed skin.

Today I’m sitting in a laundromat, on a travel nurse assignment. The site is different, but the smell and feel of the place is the same.

I miss my own small children.

Coming here to wash my clothes before I work this week reminds me of how far I’ve come. I scan a code to auto pay, and somewhere in the Ethernet, the transaction is made, starting the industrial machines with nary a clink of coins.

I was a nursing student 25 years ago, working full time as a pharmacy tech, living in an apartment that wasn’t much bigger than my current bedroom suite at home.

Now I’m listening to the dryers turn, and the indistinct noise from a huge flatscreen overhead.

Nearby, a mom chides her toddler daughter in Spanish, and the little girl sits down at a plastic table, eating her snack. She smiles shyly at me as I walk by to leave and go back to my Airbnb.

I’m grateful.

There but the grace of God…

I just had my first “real” day on the job today as a travel nurse, on my very first travel assignment.

I LOVE being a nurse, and especially a women’s health RN. I’m going to make the most of this excursion back into my career.

That being said, I do not like cities.

I enjoy visiting them – I live in a rural enough area that culture and good food are not easily found. Or sometimes ever found.

We love to travel to other cities to eat great food, get immersed in the culture and history, and then go back home.

It was important to me on this travel nurse adventure that I had a home that was an oasis.

I drive 37 miles to get to work in the city, and it is about an hour, door to door.

I spend the day in a very urban area. I’m close to the freeway, and there are no local restaurants around the hospital. Getting gasoline nearby risks being carjacked.

I do enjoy my job, though. It is rewarding, challenging, and sometimes terrifying. I clock out before the sun sets after a 12 hour shift. Then I get in my car, and start my Audible book.

I drove home to my apartment, spending a few minutes on the interstate before I left the crowded six lane freeways for two lane country roads.

The closer I get to my apartment, the deeper into the woods I got. The roads are hilly and curved, and I blew past bright wildflowers on either side of the road.

Billboards were replaced by broad sky, which tonight was filled with a huge thunderhead sparking with lightening.

Home at last, I took my sweet dog on a walk, pausing to listen to the distinct rush of a creek nearby, even as I took in the sweet aroma of honeysuckle.

This is what grounds me.

I want to be with my family. This is just a short chapter in this year.

I want to make the most of it.

In the mean time, my dog and I are going to go watch the sky from the back porch, listening to the rush of the creek.

Today is the day I move into my second Airbnb.

After the disaster of my first Airbnb, my dog and I have been at an extended stay hotel for the last two nights.

The room was like a studio apartment. I truly believe my years of struggle and poverty make me more adept at rolling with the punches. I’ve definitely had apartments with smaller living spaces than this. In unsafe neighborhoods.

I have walked the dog this morning, and now we are relaxing until our late checkout. When we arrive at the new town, we are going to go on a long walk through a local park. By then, it will be time to check in at my Airbnb.

I also spent my life moving frequently as an Air Force brat. So I can pack and go with the best of them.

Here’s hoping that today’s space will be where we stay for the remainder of the nursing contract. I work all weekend at a very busy hospital, and it will be good to know the dog and I have a safe, comfortable place to call our temporary home.

This travel nurse has already had some unexpected bumps in the road, and explored some interesting places.

Time to focus on the job – patient care begins again tomorrow!

I packed my sedan on Sunday, and headed north for my first travel nurse assignment.

I had rented a private room in a beautiful subdivision. I checked the crime statistics, and it was a safe area. My favorite grocery store was close by, and parks and outdoor spaces to enjoy were abundant.

You know what they say about when it seems too good to be true.

I arrived on a warm afternoon, unloading my belongings and trusty companion Australian Shepherd into a 2000 square foot, two story home on a wooded lot.

As I unpacked, I noticed a lot of things that were in need to repair. The refrigerator was sparse. The kitchen was barely stocked with basic cooking equipment. But there was a gourmet cappuccino machine, and the home furnishings were lovely. I took the explanations at face value. The owner was kind, and seemed a kindred spirit.

The first day was uneventful. My dog enjoyed roaming the houses with the owner gladly letting her out in the back yard. I was relieved she was out of the crate.

After being in the home 24 hours, the owner called the agency and inquired as to why she hadn’t gotten the rent yet. I had gone through a rental company, and paid the first month fees three weeks ago. The owner was indignant, and I understood. You should be paid for services rendered.

This morning, I awoke to a house without power. The red flags began to wave. The fee owed was nominal, so I offered to pay the power bill, and deduct it from what I owed.

I did so. Power restored. Crisis averted…or was it?

Due to the fact the owner had not gotten paid yet, she cancelled the contract with the rental company.

I felt very vulnerable, far from home, and now without a rental agreement.

Later this afternoon, I received an email from the owner, from her house, stating I needed to pay the balance owed via Vimeo or Western Union. If not, the email ominously went on, other utilities faced shut off.

I had no protection. And no intention of staying in such an uncertain circumstance. I packed up my belongings and my dog, and headed south.

I have a great nurse recruiter, who found me an extended stay hotel to park safely with my dog for the next couple of nights.

My ever helpful and resourceful daughter found me another place to stay – with dozens of great reviews, handy to my place of employment, and safe. Fingers crossed I will secure this place.

In the mean time, I go to orientation again tomorrow. I’m determined to do a stellar job at this contract, serving the community, and putting the gleam back on my resume, after months stagnant in my nursing role, thoroughly enjoying my wife, mother, nana roles.

I knew this was going to be an adventure…I just didn’t anticipate this!

I’m a nurse. We roll with the punches!

Now pardon me, I’m going to relax with a game of solitaire.

Are you mindfully looking for beauty in your everyday life?

It’s all around.

In the wake of Earth Day “celebrations”, I think it’s important to appreciate this planet we’ve been given.

Part of stewardship of our earthly dwelling is caring for it.

If you just press through your day, staring at traffic, staring at walls, coming home and staring at your television before you finally stare at your eyelids, you’re missing out.

You won’t care about the earth because your world doesn’t go past your nose.

I try and go outside everyday and appreciate what I see. Appreciate deeply!!

It was easy last night. We went for a walk at just before dusk, and my state is in full spring bloom. All my senses were deluged by a flood of beauty. My eyes took in the pastel, sweeping clouds. The mallards huddled on the golf course. Flowers blooming around mailboxes, and magnolia trees in bud.

My nose would catch the briefly overwhelming wave of heady confederate jasmine. The deep mossy dampness of the earth. Sweet aromas of clipped grass.

I heard the varied songs of the mockingbird. The melodic melodies of the frogs, warming up for their nightly serenade.

I felt the cool breeze, with the last lingering effects of winter just a hint around me.

Some would counter they don’t live in a lovely place – but I disagree, for I have found beauty everywhere. In November, caught in a blizzard for almost nine hours on the East Coast, I looked past the cars, and saw wonder. Transformation. Beauty.

Life. Everywhere. Struggling. Thriving. Evolving.

If you purpose to look for it, you will see it.

When you do, be sure to be just as vigilant to care for it.

Due to some epic poor decisions I made, my twenties were pretty hard.

I had started college in pursuit of a journalism degree, but had a baby instead.

The next ten years were lessons in hard knocks.

I was blessed with parents who kept me from living under a bridge, but who were not codependent. There were no handouts.

This meant working three jobs at a time, having junker cars with no A/C, and not having furniture in my bedroom so my child could have furniture in theirs.

After a disasterous elopement to a future adulterous spouse, I was left with three kids, and I was broke.

There were no mani-pedi’s for me, no spa days, no salon ‘dos. It was struggle.

When I was 26, I decided I had enough of the struggle. I worked full time, I went to school full time. My supportive parents paid for child care. I lived in a shack and drove a POS Volkswagen.

Once a year, I went out to eat at a nice restaurant. That was it for “treating myself”. No concerts. No parties. Just adulthood.

Through prayer and tenacity and hard work, I got a nursing degree.

At the age of 30, I was a registered nurse. Slowly, my savings built. My parents helped me get a low interest rate on a car and I paid for it.

I got a bed and furniture for myself.

Little by little, things got better. There was no splurging – when I was 38, I went on my first vacation with my family. I took the kids to Disney World – paid in cash, $1k for four days.

I didn’t expect more because I knew that my decisions had led to these consequences. I was determined to make a better life for my children, and I did my best to do so.

A better life didn’t mean handing them everything on a silver platter. All three of my kids know the value of hard work, know what it means to make the most of what you have, and most of all, count your blessings.

I got my first pedicure in my late 30s. I got my eyebrows done for the first time in my 40s.

I see a generation now that has expectations of little girls getting mani pedi’s regularly, and getting their eye brows and hair done at fancy salons.

Meanwhile, for years the boys had their hair clipped at home with the clippers I bought at the big box store. My daughter had her hair trimmed at the discount haircut shop.

We lived within our means, and made the best of what when we had.

Has social media been the flame that lit this ever growing fire of self indulgence? Or was it a generation of parents who wanted to give everything to their kids – and did?

I’ve been married to a great husband for over a decade now. We live comfortably, but continue to spend the same nominal amount on each child for Christmas and birthdays.

We see some struggling, but we don’t do handouts. Our children are establishing families of their own, and, for the most part, working hard to make their way.

Great expectations can kill your dreams, if you expect the world open up before you and give you everything you want.

I raised my kids with the expectation that hard work and service to others leads to a good life. To expect no handouts. The road was theirs for the taking – but they would have to work to get it.

Life will prove me out.

My son flew out of town this morning.

His flight took him over the area at sunrise – it’s a glorious spring day, and he had the best view possible.

I’m dealing with a lot of heavy stuff right now. Most of it is out of my control, and I am learning the lessons I need to learn about self control and trust as I walk through this.

Having the right perspective always is helpful. When I got the snap my son took from the airplane window, I got my perspective for the day.

There’s a lot of nonsense going on down here, but above me…peace. Calm. Omniscience.

It’s the same feeling I get when I lie on the ground and look at the stars at night. Little tiny speck of a thing me suddenly doesn’t have big giant problems.

It feels horrible when the problems of life start piling up. When hurting people hurt me. When answers aren’t easily found.

Today was a reminder that I may never find the answer to what is plaguing me.

I can back up, look up, and get perspective.

You know what? It’s another beautiful day.

My Mama grew up poor, and in the South.

This point was brought home to me often in my youth.

Every Christmas, I would get jacks in my stocking. If you are unfamiliar with playing jacks, Google it. I spent my childhood years playing jacks…until I lost the little red bouncy ball. Then one by one, the jacks would be stepped on, lost, or tossed, and I’d be ready for my next set of jacks, come Christmas.

In the summer, when we lived in southern states, we’d look for puddles deep enough to have tadpoles. Many dozens of tadpoles turned into little toads and hopped away into our back yard, fed a diet of oatmeal in their Plastic shoebox home.

My favorite thing to play with was a June bug.

June bugs are fat, unwieldy beetles that somehow manage to fly. Their flight path is slow and wobbly, and they are easy to catch.

Instructed from the memories of Mama’s youth, I’d take a long piece of string, and make a slip knot on one end. Carefully I’d lasso a leg on the hapless beetle, pulling it taunt.

The June bug would take flight, unfolding its wings from its brown shell, and I’d walk along, waiting for it to get altitude.

Once above my head, I’d swing the June bug round and round, circling my arm like a crazed rodeo entomologist.

Eventually, the beetle would have enough of the circling, and would turn itself at me, causing me to drop the string, and run screaming like a little girl.

After a few minutes, I’d pick up the string and loosen the slip from the leg, setting the June bug free to drunkenly wander off.

My favorite June bugs were the luminous green ones. Their shells changed color in the light, and caught the sun as they whirred overhead.

Tonight on the porch, I heard something tapping against the front door. I was talking to Mama at the time, and as I glanced down, I said “June bug!”

She responded it was too early for them – and it is – but she immediately began to talk of her times playing with June bugs as a child, laughing as she remembered swinging them over her head.

It’s a childhood memory that we share, decades apart, but beloved by both of us.